


Aching (Threshold)

by Caskettmyheart



Series: Aching [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Post 3x06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 02:44:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12761448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caskettmyheart/pseuds/Caskettmyheart
Summary: And then walk back into an empty apartment?Alex was never sure she had many fears, but the second that line had left her lips only a day before she knew this was probably the biggest fear she would ever have. And as long as she was here, on the other side of the door, she could imagine it wasn’t real. Just like scary clowns aren’t a thing. Or porcelain dolls coming to life aren't a thing. But this terrified her. Even as she had a barrier in between herself and her fear.An empty apartment.





	Aching (Threshold)

She should’ve said no.

She should’ve asked Kara to come up with her. She should’ve made up an excuse like asking her to carry the bags up. Or that she was exhausted and didn’t want to unpack but Kara could do it all much faster.

She should’ve.

But she didn’t. And that’s why standing in front of her apartment door with a duffle bag of mostly unworn clothes is the only thing that’s keeping her grounded. She can feel the string start to dig into her palm as she stands there, key ready in her other palm but she can’t get herself to move.

_And then walk back into an empty apartment?_

Alex was never sure she had many fears, but the second that line had left her lips only a day before she knew this was probably the biggest fear she would ever have. And as long as she was here, on the other side of the door, she could imagine it wasn’t real. Just like scary clowns aren’t a thing. Or porcelain dolls coming to life aren’t a thing. But this terrified her. Even as she had a barrier in between herself and her fear.

Her breath was shaky, lips trembling. But standing here all day wasn’t going to matter. Best to get it out of the way, right? So she moved. She managed to get the key into the lock and twist.

 

Click.

 

The door was pushed open and then a foot stepped across the threshold. Then the other. The late afternoon glow illuminated her apartment enough to take in her surroundings, though she knew the place by heart. She didn’t want to look around. So she closed the door and let the bag finally drop from her hand by the side table. A new stinging sensation pressed into her hand and she found little half moon shapes pressed into her palm.

Oh.

While absentmindedly flexing her palm a few times to get rid of the sensation, her eyes caught on the shimmer on the side table. The knot in her throat became too much and in a flash, she was hanging over the toilet, emptying her stomach just at the thought of – of-  
She brushed her teeth on autopilot, grabbing some mouthwash and tried to get the disgusting taste out of her mouth. But she knew that wasn’t the cause of it in the first place.

She found herself in the same situation she’d been in a couple of hours ago, staring at herself in the mirror and contemplating why. Just… why.

 

Her clothes were discarded one by one on her way out of the bathroom, up the stairs and into her bed. She plopped down like a starfish and stared up at the ceiling. She lay there, staring up at it for a while before her brow furrowed and something caught her attention. She couldn’t pinpoint what exactly it was.  
Did she leave something behind? Alex looked around from where she lay, propping herself up on her elbows. No, no. All her stuff was gone. All except one shimmer by the door.

She let herself fall back onto the bed and sigh.

Then, she noticed.

_Her scent_.

She hadn’t washed the sheets before she headed to the bar.

Tears sprung in her eyes as she breathed in. She couldn’t help it. Her body ached with longing to reach over and grab her but there was nothing.

She was out of the bed in a second, almost as if it had suddenly caught on fire and burned her. But no, she started pulling the sheets away from the bed, stripping it bare until there was a pile of dirty sheets on the floor. A dirty pile she didn’t know what to do with.

It was _her_ scent. Something of her that she’d always liked. Something she knew she was going to remember for a long time.

She left it there as she stepped over it. Not now, she thought. I can deal with this later. It’s too soon. Too soon.

 

There was nothing in the fridge. Nothing of hers anyway. She slammed it shut again.  
They’d drank all the wine, all the scotch, all the beer. Maybe it was best there wasn’t any more of it anyways.

She settled on the couch. She could deal with the couch. There were memories attached. Flashes of Maggie not daring to look at her. Of Maggie with tears in her eyes, looking at her like she was the most perfect being in the world for seeing her for _her_. Not her mistakes.  
Other flashes were more feelings. Feelings of Maggie’s hair in her fingers and weight of her head on her lap. Of news flashing on the tv and worried looks.

They were still better than those she got from the bed.

 

She fell asleep there not much later. Sleep she could do. She’d always been a relative peaceful sleeper. Her thoughts were too much but in sleep she would be okay. And with no way to escape from her mind any other way, she just slept.

She did wake up a couple of times.

 

Once she was cold as her apartment was dimly lit by streetlights and the sky was dark. She tried to turn over only to be faced with the back of the couch in her face. Before she could think about it, she grabbed a blanket from the ground and covered herself with it.

 

Twice she felt her stomach grumble and her mouth begging for water. She couldn’t find the courage to get up, though. The first time she did grab a bottle of water from the fridge and the second time she just aimlessly grabbed for it and groaned when it got knocked over and rolled away. Fine.

 

And thrice she woke up from aching. Aching all over.  
The first time, she found the tv remote poking into her back. She tossed it across the room and hoped the neighbors didn’t mind it crashing against the wall.  
The second time, a dream she wanted to escape from made her shoot up and pant. She didn’t feel well, the aching internal, but she still forced herself to go right back to sleep.  

 

And the third time? The third time Alex peacefully opened her eyes to an apartment filled with an orange morning hue. There was a smile on her lips and only one thing on her mind. She groaned as she sat up and stretched, a yawn forcing her eyes closed.

“Mmmmh, babe. We fell asleep on the couch again.”

 

The third time the ache only began after she opened her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> \--  
> I was listening to the sad part of my Sanvers playlist alright?  
> For once, I really, truly am sorry for this.
> 
> You can find me at: Caskettmyheart.tumblr.com  
> This is the post that inspired it all: http://supahgays.tumblr.com/post/167487102434/so-well-stay-for-like-three-days-and-mom


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